Male Victims of Domestic Abuse: Your Legal Options

Part of: Domestic Abuse Protection Orders (DAPOs): The New Protection Order Explained

Male victims of domestic abuse have the same legal protection as anyone else in England and Wales. The law defines abuse by what someone does, not by their sex or yours. So the family court can order a partner or ex to stop, and it can decide who lives in the home. We assist and advise men at every stage, from the first worried call to a non molestation order hearing.

If you are in danger now, call 999. For confidential support, the Men’s Advice Line (0808 801 0327) and the ManKind Initiative (0808 800 1170) help men in your position. When you are ready to look at protection through the court, that is where we come in.

What the law says about male victims of domestic abuse

Many men never use the word abuse about their own lives. It can feel like a row that went too far, or a partner who is “just stressed”. It can also feel like something a man should be able to handle. However, the law does not ask whether you could have stopped it, or whether you are bigger or stronger. What matters is what the other person did to you.

Under the Domestic Abuse Act 2021, behaviour is domestic abuse when two people aged 16 or over are personally connected and the behaviour is abusive. Personally connected includes partners, ex-partners, people who share a child and relatives (s.2). Abusive behaviour means any of the following, and a single incident can be enough:

• Physical or sexual abuse.
• Violent or threatening behaviour.
• Controlling or coercive behaviour, which is also a crime in its own right and protects men exactly as it protects women (Serious Crime Act 2015, s.76).
• Economic abuse, such as stopping you getting or using money or property.
• Psychological, emotional or other abuse.

Court orders that protect male victims of domestic abuse

The family court has two main civil orders for domestic abuse. Neither depends on a criminal prosecution. A man can apply for either one against a female or male partner, an ex or a relative.

You apply on Form FL401, and there is no court fee. Where waiting would put you or the children at risk, the court can make an order without telling the other person first. It then lists a further hearing so they can respond (Family Law Act 1996, s.45). Breaking a non molestation order without a reasonable excuse is a criminal offence, with a maximum of five years in prison (s.42A).

Our occupation order guide explains how the court weighs up the home. Our guide to domestic abuse protection orders explains the newer order and where it fits.

Which order to ask for, and whether to ask without notice, are judgement calls. They turn on how recent the last incident was, whether you share the home and whether the children live with you. A poorly timed application can be refused, or it can stir things up without protecting you. That is why we work through those choices with you first, in a free initial consultation.

Signs of domestic abuse that male victims often miss

Abuse against men often looks different from the picture most people carry in their heads. It is usually about control rather than injuries, so it can go on for years before anyone names it. These examples come up again and again:

• Checking your phone, your location or who you have spoken to.
• Controlling the money, running up debt in your name, or making you ask for your own wages.
• Threatening to stop you seeing the children, or to tell people you are the abuser.
• Mocking you, calling you weak, or telling you that nobody would believe a man.
• Hitting, pushing or throwing things, then saying you provoked it.

If your wife or girlfriend is abusive, or your husband or boyfriend is, the law applies in the same way. Our guides to hidden forms of abuse and narcissistic abuse look at these patterns in more depth.

Will anyone believe a male victim of abuse?

The worry we hear most often from men is simple: nobody will believe me. Some expect the police to side with their partner, or fear that asking for help will leave them accused. Those fears are understandable. Still, the family court decides on evidence, not on who is a man and who is a woman. So the practical question is what you already have, and what you can start keeping safely.

Protecting your children when the other parent is abusive

For many men, the hardest part is the children. You may be staying because you are afraid of what happens to them if you go. Or the other parent may be using them as a threat: do as I say, or you will not see them again.

The law takes this seriously. When the court decides where children live or who they spend time with, their welfare is its paramount consideration (Children Act 1989, s.1). Practice Direction 12J then sets out how the court must deal with allegations of abuse. It applies to an abusive mother exactly as it does to an abusive father.

The biggest decision is often whether to leave the home, and whether the children come with you. Two things pull in different directions:

• Your safety. Leaving can be the right call, and if you are in danger, leave first and call us afterwards.
• The children’s routine. Leaving can also mean the children stay with the parent you are worried about, and a pattern that lasts a few months can be hard to change.

If you safely can, use a free initial consultation to plan the order of steps before you move out.

Our guides to domestic abuse and child contact and child arrangements for fathers cover the children’s side in more depth.

When you are accused in return

Men who ask for protection are sometimes met with a counter-allegation. The other person may say you were the abuser. They may point to the one moment you finally shouted back or pushed them away. That can feel like the ground moving under you.

It helps to know that the court can look at the whole pattern of behaviour, not just one moment, because the law recognises abuse as a course of conduct as well as single incidents (Domestic Abuse Act 2021, s.1(3)). Where allegations go both ways and they matter to the children, the court may hold a fact-finding hearing to decide what actually happened. Patterns such as DARVO and reactive abuse are worth understanding before that point. If you face allegations you say are untrue, our guide to false allegations of domestic violence explains how the court tests them.

The key decision here is timing. Your own account, put to the court early and backed by evidence, reads very differently from a reply to an allegation already made. Even so, how much to say, and when, depends on what the other person is likely to do. Before you respond to anything in writing, talk it through with us in a free initial consultation.

How we help men who need protection

Our family law specialists advise male victims of domestic abuse, including men who are also facing allegations. When you contact us, we keep the first steps simple.

1. We set up safe contact first. That means a number your partner does not check, a safe time to call and whether we may leave a message.
2. We listen to what has happened. You tell us in your own words, and we help you see which parts matter in law.
3. We explain your options. That may be one order, both, or a different route, and whether to ask the court to act before the other person is told.
4. We help you prepare. Together we set out what happened, when, and what you need the court to stop.
5. We guide you through the hearing. As an alleged victim, the court must treat you as vulnerable and consider measures such as a screen or a video link (Domestic Abuse Act 2021, s.63). In some cases the law also stops the other person questioning you in person (Matrimonial and Family Proceedings Act 1984, s.31R).

Domestic abuse against men: where do you stand?

Answer three quick questions to see where things stand. The gaps they show are usually the best place to start a conversation with us.

Male victims of domestic abuse: frequently asked questions

Expert Tip

Men often tell us they waited because it did not seem serious enough, or because they thought nobody would believe them. The court does not measure abuse by injuries. What makes an application strong is detail: what was said or done, when, and what happened next. Start a private note today with the last three incidents and their dates. If children are involved and it is safe to wait, speak to us before you move out, because the order of steps matters.

Hannah Overton, Complex Children Specialist & Client Support

General information about the law in England and Wales, not advice on your circumstances.