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Family law guide
A mother came to us holding a letter from her children’s father. He was in prison for a violent offence outside the family, was due for release on licence within months, and wanted to see the children. She was unsure whether contact with a parent in prison was safe, or even right, for her two children. Our family law specialists advised her on how to plan it step by step. This is an anonymised account.
A letter from prison and a hard decision
The older child was at secondary school and the younger at primary school. Both had asked where their dad had gone. She worried about what contact might bring once he came out.
She asked us two things. Could she simply say no? And if she said yes, where should she start? Our guide to refusing or stopping contact covers the wider law.
Contact with a parent in prison: what the law says
Under section 1(1) of the Children Act 1989, a court deciding a question about a child’s upbringing treats the child’s welfare as its paramount consideration. If one parent applied for a section 8 order and the other opposed it, the court would work through the welfare checklist in section 1(3). That includes the children’s wishes and feelings, in the light of their age and understanding. It also covers any harm they have suffered or are at risk of suffering.
A prison sentence does not automatically stop contact. In an opposed case, section 1(2A) tells the court to presume, unless the contrary is shown, that each parent’s involvement will further the child’s welfare. Involvement can be direct or indirect. However, section 1(6) limits this to a parent who can be involved without putting the child at risk of harm. The nature of the offence, and any risk to the children, therefore matters.
How we advised her, one step at a time
First, we advised her not to answer in a hurry. Her short reply said she would think about it and put the children first.
Next, we advised starting small. His offence was violent, so he had to rebuild trust in steps the children could manage. Contact with a parent in prison can begin with letters and cards, which she would read before the children did. Prison staff also check most letters sent to and from prison. If a letter upset the children or pressed them, she could pause and tell him why. Letters and cards are a form of indirect child contact.
Then we helped her listen to the children. She asked each child, at their own pace, whether they wanted to write back, and made no promises about visits.
Visits would happen only if a child wanted one. Every visitor must be on the prisoner’s visitor list, so he would need to add her and the children. We advised her to read that prison’s visiting information first, and to tell the children what to expect.
Planning contact for when a parent leaves prison
Release needed its own plan. We advised her to ask him, in writing, what his licence conditions said. Someone released on licence can be taken back to prison for breaking those conditions, so they were worth knowing early.
After release, we advised supervised contact at a child contact centre before anything unsupervised. In supervised contact, a trained professional observes each session one to one and makes detailed notes. Those notes would give an independent record before any next step.
We also explained the court route. As a parent, he was entitled to apply for a child arrangements order under section 8. Before the first hearing, Cafcass would identify any safety issues, including through police checks. Under section 11(7), an order can impose conditions, and its provisions can last for a set period. Our guide to contact orders when a parent is serving a sentence explains more.
The outcome: letters first, then visits the children chose
She wrote to the father setting out the plan, and he agreed. His letters soon followed, warm and asking about school, and she read each one first.
A few months later, the younger child asked to visit, and she went along. The older child kept writing, then chose to come to a later visit. For this family, seeing a parent in prison happened only when each child was ready.
On release, he shared his licence conditions with her in writing. The parents then agreed supervised contact at a contact centre, set out in writing with a date to review it. Neither parent applied to court. Every case turns on its own facts, so this is not a promise about any other family.
Seeing a parent in prison: what to take from this
Put your child’s welfare and wishes first. A sentence does not automatically end contact with a parent in prison, but the offence and any risk to your child matter. Start with letters you read first, and let your child choose whether to visit. Plan for release separately, and ask about licence conditions. You can also read how we prepare these success stories.
“Give each child a short, honest account of where their parent is, in words that suit their age, and let them decide whether to write back. Keep copies of every letter, his and theirs, in one folder. In a disputed contact case, the court’s welfare checklist looks at each child’s wishes and feelings in the light of their age and understanding, so a calm record of how the letters went helps show what the children themselves wanted.”
Hannah Overton, Complex Children Specialist, Kabir Family Law
Talk it through with us
If your children’s other parent is in prison and asking for contact, you do not have to decide alone. In a free, confidential initial consultation, our family law specialists can help you plan letters, visits and contact after release, with no obligation.
The legal issue
A mother of two children, one at secondary school and one at primary school, received a letter from their father asking to see them. He was serving a prison sentence for a violent offence outside the family, not against her or the children, and was due for release on licence within months. There was no court order about the children. She was unsure whether contact with him was safe or right, and whether she could simply refuse.
The law this rests on
- Children Act 1989 s.1(1): when a court determines any question with respect to the upbringing of a child, the child's welfare is the court's paramount consideration.
- Children Act 1989 s.1(3)(a) and (e), with s.1(4)(a): where the court is considering whether to make, vary or discharge a section 8 order and that is opposed, it has regard in particular to the ascertainable wishes and feelings of the child, considered in the light of age and understanding, and to any harm the child has suffered or is at risk of suffering.
- Children Act 1989 s.1(2A) and (2B): in those circumstances the court presumes, unless the contrary is shown, that involvement of each parent within s.1(6)(a) will further the child's welfare. Involvement means involvement of some kind, direct or indirect, but not any particular division of a child's time.
- Children Act 1989 s.1(6): the presumption covers a parent who can be involved in the child's life in a way that does not put the child at risk of suffering harm. A parent is treated as within that group unless there is some evidence before the court in the particular proceedings to suggest that their involvement would put the child at risk of suffering harm whatever the form of the involvement.
- Children Act 1989 s.8(1): a child arrangements order regulates with whom a child is to live, spend time or otherwise have contact, and when.
- Children Act 1989 s.10(4)(a): any parent of the child is entitled to apply for a section 8 order.
- Children Act 1989 s.11(7)(b) and (c): a section 8 order may impose conditions to be complied with by a person named in it as someone with whom the child is to spend time or otherwise have contact, and may contain provisions which are to have effect for a specified period.
- FPR Practice Direction 12B paras 13.1 and 13.3: where an application is made for a child arrangements order, Cafcass identifies any safety issues before the first hearing (FHDRA). Its safeguarding enquiries include seeking information from local authorities and carrying out police checks on the parties.
- GOV.UK, Staying in touch with someone in prison: most letters sent to and from prison are checked by prison staff. You can only visit a prisoner if they have added you to their visitor list. A convicted prisoner is usually allowed at least two 1-hour visits every 4 weeks. A prisoner can only call people named on their list of friends and family, and prison staff can listen to and record most types of call.
- GOV.UK, Guide to probation (If you break the rules of your probation): a person can be taken back to prison if they break the conditions of their licence.
- Ministry of Justice, Research into safeguarding processes in child contact centres in England (GOV.UK): supervised contact is observed on a one-to-one basis by a trained professional, a social worker or trained contact supervisor, who makes detailed notes.
How we approached it
We advised her not to answer in a hurry and to reply briefly that she would think about contact and put the children first. Because his offence was violent, we advised rebuilding contact in steps the children could manage, starting with indirect contact: letters and cards that she read before the children did, with the option to pause if a letter upset or pressed them. We helped her ask each child, at their own pace, whether they wanted to write back, without promising visits. We explained that prison visits should happen only if a child wanted one, that every visitor must be on the prisoner's visitor list, and that she should read the prison's visiting information first. For release, we advised her to ask him in writing what his licence conditions said, and to begin with supervised contact at a contact centre, where a trained professional observes each session and makes detailed notes, before anything unsupervised. We explained that as a parent he could apply for a child arrangements order, that Cafcass would make safeguarding checks including police checks, and that an order can carry conditions.
The outcome
The father agreed to the plan. His letters began, and the mother read each one first. A few months later the younger child asked to visit, and she went along; the older child kept writing and chose to come to a later visit. On release, he shared his licence conditions with her in writing. The parents agreed supervised contact at a contact centre, set out in writing with a date to review it, and neither parent applied to court. Every case turns on its own facts, and this is not a promise about any other family.
What to take from this
- A court treats the child's welfare as its paramount consideration (Children Act 1989 s.1(1)), and the child's wishes and feelings matter, in the light of their age and understanding.
- A prison sentence does not automatically stop contact. In an opposed case, the presumption of parental involvement covers only a parent who can be involved without putting the child at risk of harm, so the offence and any risk to the child matter.
- Indirect contact, such as letters and cards you read first, is often a safe place to start. Phone calls can come later: a prisoner can only call people on his list of friends and family, and prison staff can listen to most calls.
- Prison visits should happen only if your child wants one. Every visitor must be on the prisoner's visitor list, and the exact visiting rules are on that prison's information page.
- Plan for release separately: ask what the licence conditions say, and consider supervised contact at a contact centre first, where a trained professional observes each session and makes notes.
- If you cannot agree, either parent can apply for a child arrangements order, and the court can attach conditions to it.
Checked and approved for publication by Iblal Iqbal.
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