By 
Part of: Divorce Specialists
If you lie awake next to someone who now feels more like a housemate than a partner, you may be wondering whether a sexless marriage is something the law can help with. On its own it is not a ground for divorce in England and Wales, and it does not need to be: it can be your reason for deciding the marriage is over, with no blame on anyone. It matters in law in one narrow case: if you have not had sex with each other since the wedding, annulment may be possible instead.
Since April 2022, a divorce needs only a statement that the marriage has broken down irretrievably, and the court must accept it as conclusive (Matrimonial Causes Act 1973, s.1). Our divorce specialists assist and advise people at this point.
Reviewed by: Iblal Iqbal, Partner & Family Law Strategist, Kabir Family Law
Key takeaways
- No blame needed. A divorce rests on one ground, irretrievable breakdown, and your statement proves it (MCA 1973, s.1).
- Not in year one. Nobody can apply for a divorce until the marriage is a year old (MCA 1973, s.3), but legal separation and annulment are open sooner (GOV.UK).
- Annulment is narrow. A marriage that was never consummated can be voidable, but that route does not exist for same-sex couples (MCA 1973, s.12).
- Money needs a court order. An agreement on money and property only becomes legally binding through a consent order (GOV.UK).
- Order matters. A binding money arrangement should be applied for before the final order (GOV.UK).
What is a sexless marriage in the eyes of the law?
The law has no definition for it. No statute sets a number of months, and no court will ask you to prove how often you are intimate. Many couples go through long spells like this because of illness, grief, stress or a new baby. Some are content, while for others it becomes a loneliness they cannot live with.
You may be the one who has lost interest, and feel guilty about that. The law blames neither of you, whichever side of the bed you are on.
So the law matters once the distance stops feeling like a phase. Then your questions change. Can I leave? What happens to the house? Will the children be alright? The answers turn on your circumstances, not on why intimacy faded.
One thing marriage never changes: sexual abuse is still abuse. Between people who are or were married, it counts as domestic abuse (Domestic Abuse Act 2021, ss.1 and 2). If you are in immediate danger, GOV.UK says to call 999 and ask for the police.
Where it goes wrong: couples often agree money matters at the kitchen table while they wait for a “good enough” reason to act. Unless a court approves that deal as a consent order, it is not legally binding, and a court cannot enforce it if problems come up later.
Can you divorce because of a sexless marriage?
Yes, and you do not have to give a reason. Either of you, or both together, can apply on the ground that the marriage has broken down irretrievably (MCA 1973, s.1). Nobody has to describe your private life on a court form. Our guide to no-fault divorce explains the process.
A few rules still apply, and the order of the steps matters more than most people expect. A divorce normally takes at least 7 months (GOV.UK).
- The first year of the marriage ends. Nobody can apply for a divorce before then (MCA 1973, s.3).
- One or both of you apply. Your application states that the marriage has broken down irretrievably, and GOV.UK lists the fee as £628.
- You wait at least 20 weeks. Only then can you confirm that you want to carry on (s.1(5)).
- The court makes a conditional order. At this stage you are still married (s.1(4)).
- At least 43 days later, you can apply for the final order. It ends the marriage, so time it with care. Leave it more than 12 months after the conditional order and you will have to explain the delay (GOV.UK).
Where it goes wrong: the final order ends the marriage, but it does not settle the money. GOV.UK says you must apply for a legally binding money arrangement before you apply for the final order (GOV.UK). Rushing to finalise can leave your home and pensions without any order in place.
What are your legal options in a sexless marriage?
You can stay and talk, live apart, apply for a legal separation, divorce or, in narrow cases, seek an annulment. Which suits you depends on your money, your children and what you both want.
| Option | What it does | Does the marriage end? | Where it can go wrong |
|---|---|---|---|
| Stay and talk | You live together while you decide, perhaps with counselling. | No | Months pass with nothing settled on the home or money. |
| Live apart informally | One of you moves out; you stay married. | No | Leaving before you know your home rights (FLA 1996, s.30). |
| Legal separation | A judicial separation order: you live apart without ending the marriage (MCA 1973, s.17). | No | You stay husband and wife, so you still need a divorce to remarry. |
| No-fault divorce | A conditional order, then a final order. | Yes | Finalising before a binding money arrangement is underway. |
| Annulment | A nullity order ending a voidable marriage. | Yes | Relying on a ground that does not fit, or that the law bars. |
Annulment is where many people slip up. The relevant grounds cover the incapacity of either spouse, or your spouse’s wilful refusal, but not your own (MCA 1973, s.12). They do not apply to same-sex couples (s.12(2)), and a court can refuse the order in some cases (s.13(1)). Our page on marriage annulment explains the process. If the ground or a bar is misjudged, the application can fail and leave you back where you started.
When to walk away from a sexless marriage: what should you weigh?
The decision is yours, and the law will not judge your reason. What it does shape is everything that follows. Before you say anything out loud, it helps to be clear on a few things:
- whether you have both really talked about it, and what each of you wants now;
- where you would each live, and whose name the home is in;
- what the family’s money looks like, including savings, debts and pensions;
- what the children need, and how their week would work across two homes;
- whether you feel safe raising it at all.
Where it goes wrong: many people move out first and think about the rest later. If the home is in your spouse’s sole name, you may have “home rights” as a spouse (Family Law Act 1996, s.30). Registering them with HM Land Registry can help stop your partner selling the home. Leave without knowing that, and you make the biggest move blind.
What happens to the home and money if you leave?
Nothing splits automatically. You either agree how to divide money, property and pensions, or you ask a court to decide. If you do agree, you need a consent order to make that agreement legally binding.
When a court decides, first consideration goes to the welfare of any child of the family under 18 (MCA 1973, s.25(1)). It then weighs income, needs, the length of the marriage and each person’s contributions, including caring for the family (s.25(2)). Conduct only counts where it would be inequitable to disregard it (s.25(2)(g)), so get advice before you build a case around what went wrong in private.
Where it goes wrong: some people remarry before they make a financial claim. After that, they can no longer apply for most financial or property orders against their ex (MCA 1973, s.28(3)).
Worried about the house or your pension? Book a free initial consultation, where one of our specialists gives you initial advice on your situation before you agree to anything.
What if it is a sexless relationship, not a marriage?
In sexless relationships outside marriage or civil partnership, there is nothing to divorce, and the rules on money and property are different. Our guide to common law marriage explains how the law treats couples who live together.
Civil partners differ too: none of the grounds that make a civil partnership voidable concerns the sexual relationship (Civil Partnership Act 2004, s.50).
Cohabiting couples often assume they have a spouse’s claims. They do not, and relying on that can leave you without the claim you were counting on.
What happens to the children if the marriage ends?
If you part, you can agree the arrangements for the children between you. If a court has to decide a question about a child’s upbringing, the child’s welfare is its paramount consideration (Children Act 1989, s.1).
Arrangements agreed in a rush are still the ones your children live with every week, so give them the same care as the money.
Sexless marriage checklist: what do you know so far?
Choose where things stand, then tick what is already true for you. It will not tell you what to do; it shows what is worth raising before you act.
There is no score. Anything you cannot tick yet is worth talking over before you take the next step.
The calls a checklist can’t make for you
- Whether living apart, legal separation, divorce or annulment fits your situation, and in what order to take the steps.
- How the home, savings and pensions might be divided, and what a court would weigh in your case.
- When to apply for the final order so that the money side is protected.
- How to raise the subject, and what to avoid putting in writing while feelings are raw.
These turn on the facts of your marriage, and are far easier to get right before either of you acts.
Book a free initial consultation
One of our specialists will give you initial advice on your situation.
Frequently asked questions
What to do when stuck in a sexless marriage?
Start with an honest conversation, and consider counselling if you both want to try. If nothing changes and you feel the marriage is over, get advice before you act, so you understand your options for the home, money and children. You do not need a particular reason to divorce, only a statement that the marriage has broken down irretrievably (MCA 1973, s.1).
Is a sexless marriage unhealthy?
The law takes no view on that, because it is a personal and sometimes medical question. If the change worries you, your GP is a sensible first step. Legally, what matters is whether you feel the marriage has broken down for good, not how intimate it has been.
What is the root cause of sexless marriage?
Couples describe many causes, such as health problems, stress, grief, caring duties or simply growing apart. A court does not ask for a cause. A divorce application needs only a statement that the marriage has broken down irretrievably.
How long is too long without intimacy in a marriage?
There is no legal time limit. The law does not measure a marriage by intimacy, and no period without it gives either of you a new legal right. The one fixed timescale is that nobody can apply for a divorce in the first year of the marriage (MCA 1973, s.3).
Will the court ask why the marriage became sexless?
Not for a divorce, because your statement of irretrievable breakdown is conclusive. The facts do matter if you seek an annulment instead. In a money dispute, conduct only counts where it would be inequitable to disregard it (MCA 1973, s.25(2)(g)).
Can we live apart without ending the marriage?
Yes. You can simply live apart, or apply for a judicial separation order, which the court must make once you apply (MCA 1973, s.17). GOV.UK lists reasons people choose it, such as religious objections to divorce or a marriage of less than a year. The fee is £426 (GOV.UK).
Feeling this marriage can’t go on as it is? Get advice before you say it out loud
You may have rehearsed this conversation for months. Once it happens, it often sets the tone for everything after it: where you each live, how the money is shared and how the children hear the news. Book a free initial consultation and one of our specialists will give you initial advice on your options before you raise it with your spouse. Read more about our divorce specialists.
Expert Tip
People in a sexless marriage often wait for one final, dramatic reason, then make big decisions in a hurry. The law needs no reason, but the order of your steps matters. Before you move out, move money or announce anything, find out where you stand on the home, the finances and the children. And apply for a binding money arrangement before the final order, not after it.
Garry Steedman, Family Law Consultant (Divorce, Children & TOLATA)
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