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Success story
A father came to us with stitches in his hand and one question: would a court believe a man? In this domestic abuse case study, the answer turned on records he had kept.
The situation: an abused father who told no one
For years, his children’s mother slapped, scratched and bruised him. She smashed his phone screen as he rang his brother mid-row. If he left, she said, she would tell everyone he was the violent one.
Ashamed, and sure no one would believe an abused father over a mother, he told nobody. He told his GP the scratches came from the cat.
Then, in front of the children, she threw a glass at him. The cut needed stitches at a minor injuries unit. He took the children to his parents’ home that night; she demanded them back, repeating her threat.
With our guidance, he applied for a child arrangements order for the children to live with him, setting out the abuse on a C1A form. She called the rows mutual, so the court listed a fact-finding hearing on his allegations. An interim order kept the children with him, with daytime visits to their mother.
The law: when the father is the victim
Under section 1 of the Domestic Abuse Act 2021, behaviour is domestic abuse if both people are 16 or over and personally connected, as parents of the same child are, and it is abusive. That includes physical abuse, violent or threatening behaviour and controlling or coercive behaviour, whether one incident or many. Nothing turns on the victim’s sex. Our guide for male victims of domestic abuse explains the protection open to an abused father.
The children were victims too: section 3 covers a child related to either person who sees, hears or experiences the effects of abuse. Practice Direction 12J adopts the Act’s definition, and paragraph 19(c) tells the court to consider using a schedule of allegations: specific events, any pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour, and the other parent’s reply.
As the allegations were his, he had to prove each was more likely than not to have happened.
The evidence: proving what he had hidden
Silence worried him most. We advised him to explain it in his statement, false GP reason included. Explained by him, it would read as shame; found by her side, it could look like a cover-up.
We helped him keep the schedule to four allegations he could support: the glass, the earlier assaults, the smashed phone and the threats. His phone held unseen photos of his injuries. We advised him to keep the phone itself so each photo’s stored date could be checked.
He requested the minor injuries unit’s triage note, which recorded his words that night: his partner had thrown a glass at him. Next morning she texted that she was sorry she hurt him. We advised him to keep the whole thread on that phone.
Later GP entries, after he told the truth and was referred to a support service for men, explained the earlier note about the cat.
Once the father said he was a victim of domestic abuse, the rules required the judge to assume the quality of his evidence and his participation were diminished, and to consider directions to help him. He felt awkward asking, but special measures are open to any victim, so he asked for a screen and separate waiting areas.
The findings: all four allegations proved
Her reply to the schedule admitted throwing the glass but said she aimed at the wall. The triage note and her apology persuaded the judge otherwise. All four allegations were proved; the threats and smashed phone showed a pattern of controlling behaviour. Rejecting her claim of mutual rows, the judge found the father the victim, accepted his reasons for silence and recorded the findings in writing.
The outcome: where the children live now
A Cafcass section 7 welfare report dealt with the findings and found the children close to their mother. PD12J paragraph 36 asks the court to consider the harm to the children and to the parent they live with, here the abused father.
The final order says the children live with their father and spend alternate weekends and part of each holiday with their mother. Because school handovers kept the parents apart, the court found contact would be as safe as possible. Other cases, on other evidence, can end differently.
What this domestic abuse case study shows
The court weighed only this family’s evidence. Even so, a father can prove abuse with ordinary records if he keeps them and explains any gaps.
Start this week. Read the order: what it directs, and the dates for your schedule and statement. Keep the original phone, photos and messages; edit or delete nothing. Request your GP and hospital records; if the order does not cover them, ask the court quickly. Ask for special measures early. Never question your children, discuss the case with the other parent or post about it. Our witness statements guide explains how to write yours.
“If you are raising abuse, write each allegation as plain facts: what happened, when, what you did straight afterwards and who, if anyone, you told. Also expect to be asked why you stayed or never called the police, and answer in your own words without playing it down. Then bring the originals to court: the phone, the photos and the full message threads, exactly as they are.”
Hannah Overton, Complex Children Specialist, Kabir Family Law
Afraid to tell anyone?
If this domestic abuse case study feels close to home, or a partner or ex is hurting you, talk to us about what you have kept. A free initial consultation is confidential, with no obligation. In danger now? Call 999. Read how we prepare these success stories.
The legal issue
A father had been physically abused for several years by his partner, the mother of their two children. She slapped him, scratched his face and bruised his arm, smashed his phone screen when he tried to ring his brother, and said that if he ever left she would tell everyone he was the violent one. He told no one, out of shame and a fear that a man would not be believed, and he gave his GP a false reason for his scratches. After she threw a glass at him in front of the children, cutting his hand badly enough to need stitches, he took the children to his parents' home. She demanded them back and repeated her threat.
The law this rests on
- Domestic Abuse Act 2021 s.1(2): behaviour of one person towards another is domestic abuse if both are aged 16 or over, they are personally connected, and the behaviour is abusive.
- Domestic Abuse Act 2021 s.1(3)(a) to (c): abusive behaviour includes physical or sexual abuse, violent or threatening behaviour, and controlling or coercive behaviour, and it does not matter whether it is a single incident or a course of conduct.
- Domestic Abuse Act 2021 s.2(1)(e) and (f): people are personally connected if they are, or have been, in an intimate personal relationship, or each have, or have had, a parental relationship to the same child.
- Domestic Abuse Act 2021 s.3(2): a victim of domestic abuse includes a child who sees or hears, or experiences the effects of, the abuse and is related to either person.
- FPR Practice Direction 12J para 2A: domestic abuse has the same meaning as in the Domestic Abuse Act 2021.
- PD12J para 10: where there is a need for special arrangements to protect a party or child attending a hearing, the court must ensure so far as practicable that appropriate arrangements are made, including waiting arrangements at court, and should consider FPR Part 3A, in particular the assumption at rule 3A.2A.
- PD12J para 16: the court should decide as soon as possible whether a fact-finding hearing is necessary on any disputed allegation of domestic abuse.
- PD12J para 19(c), as substituted from 5 January 2026 by Practice Direction Update No. 6 of 2025: the court considers whether the key facts in dispute can be set out in a schedule or table giving details or examples of specific events and of any pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour, focused on the issues to be tried and setting out what the respondent says.
- PD12J para 19(f): the court considers whether documents are needed from third parties such as the police, health services or domestic abuse support services.
- PD12J para 22: where a fact-finding hearing is directed, the court will not usually request a section 7 report until after it, and the judgment or list of findings should be provided to Cafcass.
- PD12J para 25: while allegations of domestic abuse are undetermined, the court should not make an interim child arrangements order unless it is in the child's interests and would not expose the child or the other parent to an unmanageable risk of harm.
- PD12J para 29: the court should, wherever practicable, make findings about the nature and degree of any domestic abuse established and its effect, and must record its findings in writing in a schedule to the order.
- PD12J para 36(2) and (3): the court considers any harm the child and the parent the child lives with have suffered, or are at risk of suffering, and should make an order for contact only if their physical and emotional safety can, as far as possible, be secured before, during and after contact, and that parent will not be subjected to further domestic abuse.
- FPR 3A.2A: where it is stated that a party is, or is at risk of being, a victim of domestic abuse carried out by another party, the court must assume the quality of their evidence and their participation are diminished, and must consider whether participation directions are needed.
- FPR 3A.8(1)(a): the measures include those that prevent a party or witness from seeing another party or witness.
- Children Act 1989 s.1(1): the child's welfare is the court's paramount consideration. s.1(3)(e): the court has regard to any harm the child has suffered or is at risk of suffering.
- Children Act 1989 s.8(1): a child arrangements order regulates with whom a child is to live, spend time or otherwise have contact, and when.
- Children Act 1989 s.7: the court may ask an officer of Cafcass to report on matters relating to the child's welfare.
- Children Act 1989 s.11(7)(a): a section 8 order may contain directions about how it is to be carried into effect, such as handovers.
- Form C1A (GOV.UK): used to tell the court about harm a parent or child has suffered or is at risk of suffering, sent with Form C100.
- Standard of proof: the parent who makes an allegation has to prove it, and the court decides whether it is more likely than not to have happened.
How we approached it
With our guidance, he applied for a child arrangements order for the children to live with him, describing the abuse on Form C1A. When she called the rows mutual and the court listed a fact-finding hearing on his allegations, we helped him narrow the schedule of allegations to four he could support: the glass, the earlier assaults, the smashed phone and her threats.
We advised him to deal with his silence in his own statement, explaining why he told no one and why he gave his GP a false reason, so that it could not be presented as a cover-up. We helped him gather the evidence: photos of his injuries kept on the original phone so the date stored with each one could be checked, his record from the minor injuries unit, her apology message the next morning kept in the full thread, and his later GP entries, made after he told his GP the truth and was referred to a support service for men. We advised him to edit or delete nothing and never to question the children. He felt awkward asking for help at court, so we explained that special measures are open to any victim of domestic abuse, and he asked for a screen and separate waiting areas.
The outcome
In her reply to the schedule she accepted throwing the glass but said she had aimed at the wall. The judge did not accept that, relying on the triage note and her apology the next morning, and found all four allegations proved. The judge found that her threats and the smashed phone were part of a pattern of controlling behaviour, accepted his reasons for staying silent, rejected her account that the rows were mutual, and recorded the findings in writing.
The section 7 report that followed, written by a Cafcass officer, took account of the findings and found the children close to their mother. The court was satisfied that, with handovers at school keeping the parents apart, the safety of the children and their father could be secured, as far as possible, before, during and after contact. The final child arrangements order provides that the children live with their father and spend alternate weekends and part of each holiday with their mother. Other cases, on other evidence, can end differently.
What to take from this
- Under the Domestic Abuse Act 2021 s.1, abusive behaviour is domestic abuse when both people are 16 or over and personally connected, for example as parents of the same child. Nothing in the test depends on whether the victim is a man or a woman.
- Whoever makes an allegation carries the burden of proving it on the balance of probabilities, meaning it is more likely than not that it happened.
- Deal with any silence yourself: if you kept the abuse secret or gave a false reason for an injury, say why in your own statement, before the other side can call it a cover-up.
- Photos on the original phone, medical records made at the time and the other parent's own messages can prove abuse you never reported. Keep the originals, and edit or delete nothing.
- Look at the court order for its directions, the dates for your schedule and statement, and whether it covers your GP and hospital records; if it does not, raise it with the court quickly. Ask early for special measures: under FPR 3A.2A, once you say you are a victim of domestic abuse, the court must assume the quality of your evidence and your participation are diminished, and consider whether you need participation directions such as a screen.
- Keep your children out of it: never ask them what they saw, and keep the case out of conversations with the other parent and off social media.
Checked and approved for publication by Garry Steedman.
Last reviewed .
