Success story
By Iblal IqbalWhen their father slammed the front door, a picture fell off the wall. Their daughter cried on the stairs and their son covered his ears. Their mother wanted the visits stopped, but his sister offered to watch over them. The mother asked us whether supervised contact by a family member would keep them safe.
A slammed door on a Sunday night
The children, a girl of nine and a boy of six, spent alternate weekends at their father’s flat, with no court order. That Sunday a lost school coat started a row in her hall, where he shouted that she was turning them against him, and swore. Nobody was touched, yet at bedtime their daughter asked if Daddy was still cross.
His text came at seven next morning: “I lost it. Sorry. Never again.” She saved it, photographed the broken frame and wrote down her daughter’s question word for word.
The nearest contact centre had a two-month wait for supervised sessions, each with a fee; his sister’s front room was free. Would contact supervised by a family member protect the children, or hide the problem?
Is supervised contact by a family member allowed?
It can be. Shouting and swearing at her while the children watched could be domestic abuse, even once (Domestic Abuse Act 2021, section 1).
Once domestic abuse is raised, Practice Direction 12J asks the court whether contact should be supervised and, if so, “where and by whom” (paragraphs 27 and 38). Neither paragraph requires a professional, so supervised contact by a family member can be considered.
Paragraph 38 also asks whether to order who pays for supervision, which matters when a centre charges. Our domestic abuse and child contact page covers the wider law.
When contact supervised by a relative is unsafe
Where a risk assessment has concluded that a parent poses a risk to the child or the other parent, neither a supported contact centre nor contact supervised by a parent or relative is appropriate (paragraph 38). A Cafcass officer given cause to suspect a child is at risk of harm must make one (Children Act 1989, section 16A).
Short of that, we told her a relative is the wrong choice if they play down what happened, take sides, live with him, or cannot end a visit and ring her. Serious violence, drink, drugs or a risk of abduction call for professional supervision, usually at one of the child contact centres, if contact is safe at all.
On our advice, she asked his sister: would you end a visit if he shouted? Would you ring me, even if he begged you not to? Yes to both, she said, and Sunday had frightened her too.
Can I insist on supervised contact?
You cannot insist on supervised contact on your own say-so. With no order in force, pausing the weekends broke none. But her ex could apply as a parent (Children Act 1989, section 10(4)), and the court would decide, putting the children’s welfare first. Our guide to reasons to stop child contact explains what courts accept.
So that week she put a safer offer to him in writing, under one page of rules.
His sister would supervise at her house, two Saturdays a month from ten until three, never leaving the children alone with him. Their mother would leave before he arrived, and he would leave first.
If he raised his voice or broke a rule, his sister would end the visit and ring their mother. Both parents would get her note after every visit. If she could not come, the visit would move. She added one rule herself, no car journeys, then signed.
How the court dealt with it
He applied for a child arrangements order, wanting his weekends back without a supervisor. With our help she replied, setting out the Sunday on form C1A with his text attached.
Cafcass spoke to each parent separately for its safeguarding checks. By the first hearing six Saturdays had gone well, and he accepted what he had done. The judge scrutinised the agreed terms, as Practice Direction 12J requires, and made the order by consent.
The order provides for contact supervised by a family member, naming his sister, and its directions and conditions set out the rules (Children Act 1989, section 11(7)(a) and (b)). The children still see their dad, and their aunt’s notes are mostly about football and baking.
If a relative has offered to supervise
This week, record what happened, with dates and the children’s own words. Keep every message and photo.
Do not stop contact in silence. Offer the safer alternative in writing.
Before agreeing to contact supervised by a family member, ask the relative the hard questions face to face.
Put the rules on one page, including what ends a visit and the back-up plan.
In any court case, set out the risk on form C1A. If a risk assessment finds the other parent poses a risk, a relative should not supervise; ask about professional supervision instead.
“A relative who supervises is watching someone they love, and that is hard. Make it easier for them to hold the line. When the rules sit in a court order, they can say ‘the order says’ instead of ‘I say’. Settle the small things in advance too: birthday parties, presents, phone calls between visits, and what the children are told about why the supervisor is there.”
Iblal Iqbal, Partner & Family Law Strategist, Kabir Family Law
Not sure a relative is the right supervisor?
Before you answer their offer, ask us whether contact supervised by a relative would be safe for your children. Your first conversation is free and private. Details here are changed to protect the family, and other facts can lead to a different order. See how we prepare these success stories.
The legal issue
A mother in her forties had a daughter and a son at primary school. They stayed at their father's flat on alternate weekends by agreement, without any court order. At a Sunday handover he shouted and swore at her in the hall, then slammed the door hard enough to bring a picture down, with both children watching. Nobody was hurt, and he texted an apology the next morning. She wanted contact stopped. The nearest contact centre had a wait of about two months for supervised sessions and charged for each one. His sister offered to supervise at her own home, free.
The law this rests on
- Domestic Abuse Act 2021 s.1(3): abusive behaviour includes violent or threatening behaviour and psychological, emotional or other abuse, whether it is a single incident or a course of conduct.
- Domestic Abuse Act 2021 s.3(2): references in the Act to a victim of domestic abuse include a child who sees or hears, or experiences the effects of, the abuse and is related to either person.
- Children Act 1989 s.10(4)(a): a parent is entitled to apply for any section 8 order, so needs no permission to apply for a child arrangements order.
- Children Act 1989 s.11(7)(a) and (b): a section 8 order may contain directions about how it is to be carried into effect and may impose conditions, including on a parent.
- Children Act 1989 s.16A: a Cafcass officer who is given cause to suspect that a child is at risk of harm must make a risk assessment and provide it to the court.
- Practice Direction 12J para 6: the court must carefully scrutinise any proposed child arrangements order, whether agreed or not, and must not make one by consent unless the parties are in court, the initial safeguarding checks have been obtained and Cafcass has spoken to the parties separately, except where it is satisfied there is no risk of harm in doing so.
- Practice Direction 12J para 27(a)(i): on interim contact, the court considers whether contact should be supervised or supported, and if so, where and by whom.
- Practice Direction 12J para 38: where domestic abuse has occurred but the court, after any expert risk assessment and the welfare checklist, considers direct contact safe and beneficial, it considers whether contact should be supervised and, if so, where and by whom (38(a)(i)), and whether to make any order about who must meet the costs of supervision (38(a)(ii)). Where a risk assessment has concluded that a parent poses a risk to a child or to the other parent, contact via a supported contact centre, or contact supervised by a parent or relative, is not appropriate.
How we approached it
We explained that Practice Direction 12J asks whether contact should be supervised or supported and, if so, where and by whom, and that it says contact supervised by a parent or relative is not appropriate where a risk assessment has concluded that a parent poses a risk. We helped her test whether his sister took the incident seriously and would end a visit and ring her.
We advised her to replace the paused weekends with a written offer: Saturdays at his sister's home under one page of rules, which his sister signed, so the children went on seeing their father.
Once his court application arrived, we guided her through her response on form C7 and her account of the evening on form C1A, with his text attached, and prepared her for the Cafcass safeguarding call and the first hearing.
The outcome
By the first hearing, Cafcass had made its safeguarding checks and six supervised Saturdays had gone well. The father admitted what he had done that Sunday and agreed. The judge scrutinised the arrangement, and the agreed order now provides for the children to see their father two Saturdays a month at his sister's home, supervised by her, under the written rules it sets out. The children kept seeing their dad. A family with different facts could get a different order.
What to take from this
- A family member can supervise contact. Practice Direction 12J asks where and by whom, and does not say the supervisor must be a professional.
- A relative is not appropriate where a risk assessment has concluded that a parent poses a risk to the child or the other parent.
- Test the relative first: will they take what happened seriously, end a visit if they must and tell you honestly how it went?
- Put the rules on one page and ask the supervisor to sign it: who, where, when, how handovers work, what ends a visit and what happens if they cannot come.
- Without an order you cannot insist on supervised contact, but you can offer it in writing. If either parent applies, the court decides, and the child's welfare comes first.
- If there is an application, set out the risk on form C1A and attach what you kept.
Checked and approved for publication by Hannah Overton.
Last reviewed .
